Getting the Diagnosis Support You Need

 

By Brielle Collins  

August 25, 2026

When someone walks into a doctor’s office and gets tested, the last thing they want is the dreaded phone call. We all know the rule: no news is good news, and a ringing phone usually means there is a positive diagnosis to discuss. But while receiving that news is isolating, navigating the aftermath shouldn’t have to be. As a community, we need to make it a priority to show up for each other during these moments. However, comforting someone can be tricky and confusing. It’s easy to freeze up when you don’t know what to say or how to make a friend feel truly seen and heard. To help you navigate these heavy conversations with empathy and clarity, here are the essential Dos and Don’ts of supporting a friend through a difficult diagnosis. 

 

Do: Educate yourself.  

Don’t rely on assumptions and things you’ve heard online. Take the time to research to avoid acting on stereotypes and untrue information. Knowing the facts also helps to distinguish myths from reality, destigmatize the diagnosis, and put you in a better position to offer real comfort, advice, and resources. 

 

Don’t: Pretend to know exactly how they feel.  

While trying to find common ground can be helpful, you can never truly know how someone is feeling, and you shouldn’t pretend to. Let them tell you about their feelings instead of assuming them. Give them space, and be a listening ear for all their possible worries and concerns.  

 

Do: Ask them what they need.  

Everyone needs something different when facing a tough time. Some people need to rant, some need to cry, some need someone to tell them it will be okay, and some need to wallow in their feelings. Don’t assume what they need, just ask. And if they don’t know what they need, just be there for them anyway you can.  

 

Don’t: Criticize their decisions.  

There are so many factors that can play into how someone receives their diagnosis. From trusting their partner to tell the truth to experiences of sexual assault, it can happen to anyone. Judgment is the last thing someone with a positive STI diagnosis needs at the moment. All it does is further reinforce stigma and prevents you from being a safe, supportive presence for them at a critical moment. 

[Text Wrapping Break]Do: Be a continuous support system.  

Support doesn’t end after the initial diagnosis. Make sure you keep checking in on them and offer a helping hand. Depending on the severity of the diagnosis, treatment may be just as stressful as the initial diagnosis. They may also be struggling with the stigma of the diagnosis from others, so be their safe space through the storm every step of the way.  

 

Don’t: Say things you can’t control.  

Your initial reaction in scenarios like these is most likely to say something reassuring, but sometimes that assurance can look like false promises. Focus on the things you can actually control and do your best to follow through.  

 

Do: Connect them with resources.  

There are incredible resources available to support someone through a difficult diagnosis, but many aren’t aware of them or don’t know where to look. Do your research to help find support that can be there for them when you cannot. Places like Shameless Path offer support groups where you can interact in an anonymous space with others going through similar experiences. Another resource is HIV.gov, which is the U.S. government’s portal for HIV & AIDS care at every step of the journey. These are just two of the many resources out there. Be the bridge that helps connect them with a better quality of life, or at least do your best. 

 

Don’t: Comment on their appearance.  

Looks are never everything, and that holds especially true while a friend is dealing with an STI. Some of these infections do have outward symptoms, but refrain from making light of these while staying safe. 

 

Do: Give them grace.  

Unfortunately, they may not act like the person you knew before their diagnosis due to factors like stress or medication side effects. Try to be as supportive as possible and be the best friend you can be during such a difficult time.  

[Text Wrapping Break]Don’t: Make their identity their diagnosis.  

We are all more than our challenges. While a positive STI test can be life-changing, that doesn’t alter their character and make them any less of a human than they were pre-diagnosis. They are still deserving to be seen as the sum of their parts, not defined by a medical status. 

 

At the end of the day, you do not need to have all the perfect responses to be supportive of your friend. Facing a positive STI diagnosis comes with heavy emotional weight that can be difficult to navigate, and the only thing that can truly help fight that stigma is human empathy. By choosing education over assumptions, listening over judging, and showing up consistently, you are actively reminding them they are more than their diagnosis. A positive diagnosis may change their health, but it should not change their community. Let your presence and support be loud enough to overpower outside stigma.